Online dating: The whole idea of it makes me want to crawl under a rock and never come out. I do not want to meet people online, I want to meet people in person. I want to meet someone, and slowly get to know them in real life. I don't think you can know how you get along with a person unless you are WITH a person. It feels so unnatural and strange and non-enjoyable on pretty much every level. How are you supposed to present yourself on paper as someone wonderful who everyone should want to get to know better?? I don't know. And how are you supposed to really know what someone is like when all you have is a list of things they like to do and the music they like to listen to?
That being said, here are the two reasons I'm willing to give it a try:
1. Between 20-30% of all marriages now days start online. It's supposedly one of the top 3 ways to meet people.
2. I don't have a lot of places to meet eligible men, seeing as I don't attend a Single's Ward.
Here's what I've seen in my week of checking out the online scene:
1. Supposedly most guys are quite tall, like over 6 feet tall. I wonder how many of them are exaggerating?
2. Every guy LOVES the outdoors. Everyone loves to go fishing, camping, hiking, hunting (yuk!), boating, mountain biking, etc. Now I myself love to be outdoors and enjoy several of those things, but the way most of these guys talk you'd think it was all they ever did.
3. Even on paper, no one wants a girl with 5 kids. (This is a topic for a blog post all its own.)
This leads me to another issue: In just a short period of time you can potentially know quite a bit of information about a person, instead of slowly learning about them while spending time with them, and it feels easy to quickly dismiss everyone, yes everyone! This one listens to Glen Beck, this one likes to drive cars fast, all these ones like guns and like to hunt. Are all these things deal-breakers? Truthfully, I don't know, so I have decided on the following philosophy when it comes to trying out the whole dating thing in general and the online thing specifically: The non-negotiable things are the gospel centered things, must be devout follower of Jesus Christ and his gospel. Beyond that, I am going to attempt to be fairly open minded until I am able to better figure out what additional things are really important, because it's not like you have to possess all the same hobbies or think and feel the same way about every topic, right?
Also, I'm not looking for a pen pal, I'm looking for a real flesh and blood interaction, so they have to live close by and they have to pretty quickly be willing to meet in person. Maybe as time goes by and I get more desperate I'd consider the long-distance thing, but certainly not right now!
So there it is, I'm attempting this awful, terrible thing and I'm going to give it a good faith effort! You have to be willing to work for things and get a little uncomfortable, right? I'll keep you updated on anything interesting that might come from it or any good laughs. One weird thing so far: coming across a couple of people I know in real life. One of them was Crazy Brad, which had me more depressed then ever because his profile seems so normal. What if everyone who seems to have a normal profile is just as crazy as him?!?
5 comments:
I know several people who have found lasting relationships with good people online. It seems like a good idea for someone like you or me who is busy and doesn't attend a singles ward. About a year ago I signed up for OK Cupid and made a profile. And...nothing happened. One guy and I messaged back and forth a few times and I thought we were about ready to meet in person, but then he stopped messaging me.
Like you said, it's easy to judge a person up front and decide that they aren't the one for you. And there are plenty of never-married women our age out there so no one wants someone who already has kids. And it seems like every guy is really into doing outdoors stuff, which I'm really not into. Who knows--it could work, but I've been feeling a little skeptical.
I found my husband through LDSsinglesonline 15 years ago....back when it was shocking when I told someone how we met. I had several people in my ward worried about me meeting someone in that way. I think the main thing to realize is meeting online is not a way to get to know someone, only an introduction. Dennis and I talked and emailed for 2 months before we actually met. You can learn a lot about someone before you even meet them through lots of phone calls and emails....which will spare your kids the grief of different men in and out of your life. When I finally did meet Dennis I didn't even tell my sons about him until I was really thinking we were serious....my sons would stay with relatives when I was dating. (Unlike the "friendship" I had with a man for a year prior to meeting Dennis....my boys never even knew about him) And before I ever met Dennis, my home teacher called his bishop to check him out for me. You can't be too cautious. So many lives will be affected by this since you have children. And if you do find someone you are very interested in, give it a full year of really knowing him before making a decision. I've seen too many disasters of couples jumping into things. There is no substitute for time.
I hope I don't sound like I'm scaring you away. I really don't mean to. But it's like you mentioned in your blog....you can't know someone by lining up interests and favorite music, etc. Meeting online is just one little first step in the introduction.
You are much braver than I. I tried this twice and didn't like it. It didn't have anything to do with my comfort zone. Had some bad "pen pal" experiences where they just wanted to email me to alleviate boredom/loneliness. Another liked talking to me while he was waiting for someone better to come along. After they explained that they only needed me for these purposes, I stopped the online thing. Now, I rely more on in-person introductions or setups from family and my closest friends.
I also didn't like having to spend money to use the sites.
Good luck to you!
Good luck Julie! I actually have a brother-in-law who met his wife online. But, they had grown up in the same hometown and knew several of the same people.(sooo maybe that doesn't count)
I see from Facebook/hear from friends that Jonathan is already engaged to someone he barely met! How long has it been since the divorce was even final?! I hope you're okay and hope you listen to Grandma Honey's advice to take things slow--don't try to make something happen just because he's being so dumb.
Thinking of you. You deserve someone awesome!
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