Happiness

I've been feeling really great the last couple of weeks. I'm happy, I'm grateful, I'm content. Life is full of great things. I've really been working on choosing happiness. I've been working on being grateful. In fact a couple of months ago I started a gratitude journal where I just jot down 5 or so things that I am grateful for that day, I've done it consistently every single night. I'm enjoying being in this place right now and so grateful for it. To give you an idea of my happiness here are a couple of facebook posts from the last couple of weeks:

5/23/13
You ever suddenly feel so very happy that you need to burst out in song, just because you are walking outside on a beautiful day, the sun is shining, you know you look good, you're life is filled with so many great people, God is great, and you got your nails done? Yeah, that!! :)

5/27/13
Happiness is spending a gorgeous day up in Sundance riding the lift, hiking, and topping it off with a soak in the hot tub out on the deck of the cabin.

5/31/13
Heart overflowing with happiness and gratitude today, here's some of the reasons:
New nephew. Brilliant blue sky. Music. The love of God in my heart. Green trees, plants, grass, hills, mountains. Alisa bringing me chocolate. The great people I work with. Jewish dancing. Being told that when I come in to work it's like a burst of sunshine. Smiling. Singing.


I'm trying to poke around in myself and figure out if this is just an "up" moment on this roller coaster I've been on for the past almost 11 months, and that any day I'll be plummeting "down" again; or if I have arrived at a more stable, good, healthy state. I'm cautiously leaning towards the latter. A couple reasons I think that is because I'm not always blissfully happy, I still have moments of sadness, longing, loneliness, even anger but those moments aren't very sharp and they move quickly on their way. Also, my loneliness and longing seems to have less to with Jonathan and more to do with the fact that I'm alone. I think I am becoming more detached.

Feeling so great, feeling so blessed, feeling so happy. I love it! And yet, nothing material has changed in the circumstances of my life. This happiness hasn't come because Jonathan came back, or because I've found someone else. I'm divorced, I'm alone, I'm a single mom. Just goes to show that none of that matters. I matter, God matters, this beautiful world matters, love matters. I wish I could put into words the joy of my heart, but really the best way I know how to express it is in singing, or maybe dancing, and that won't work for a blog post. I wish I could bottle this up and give it to everyone. I wish I could bottle it up and give it to myself when I'm not feeling this way. ;) God is great. Life is beautiful. Smile!!