Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Gone forever
So we talk in the church a lot about the "ideal." We are reassured that it is true that many people don't have the ideal but nevertheless that is what we strive for and that is why it is taught. The ideal is an eternal marriage and children. The nuclear family. I have to say that I believe this ideal is in fact ideal. This is the best way, for so many reasons. And yet, I was thinking today that this ideal is forever lost to me now. Even if I find a literally perfect man and we live together blissfully happy with a perfect relationship it's still not the ideal. It is not the nuclear family. It's some complicated, hybrid, blended something or other with step- parents, kids, siblings, and x-spouses. And it's certainly not ideal for my children, can never be no matter how well adjusted they might happen to end up. Don't misunderstand, I plan to have a wonderful, beautiful life with that perfect man out there somewhere in a blissfully happy marriage. But it will never be that ideal, and I was striving for the ideal.
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For what it's worth: I didn't marry until I was 29, I married a man with 2 children from a previous marriage, we have 3 beautiful children together (but I always thought I would have more),and I am a working Mom (a title I never thought I would hold). Although this "ideal" is so opposite of everything I had once envisioned, I have been blessed. Sometimes when we allow ourselves to let go of the ideal, we get the opportunity to live a life beyond anything our dreams ever could have imagined.
If you get a chance, I would suggest watching or reading Elder Bednar's CES Devotional from this past Sunday, 3 March 2013. He said something I had never considered: Do you have the faith to NOT receive a particular blessing? I had never considered that it takes faith to NOT receive what we pray for, blessings that seem to be the promised ideal.
Thank goodness. How boring and unhelpful would the ideal be? What would we learn? I heard a talk about parenting a couple conferences ago that described how raising some children is like being enrolled in parenting 101 and some are parenting 505. I have both. while my 505 kid has caused me more pain and frustration he's also caused me so much more self improvement and spiritual reaching and I love him for it.
That said, I also agree. I want my full 90 years! or even 60! I am still not ok with giving that up. I want the ideal too and I'm struggling with it.
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