The other day I suddenly felt quite overwhelmed and disconcerted when I realized that November was half over and all the snow outside is telling me winter* is here and I haven't even thought about Christmas. What happened to my summer, what happened to my fall? What happened to the last 4 months of my life? It doesn't seem quite fair that time just keeps flying by when I'm trying to figure out what to with myself. I need it to stop for a while so I have some time to get settled and figure out what I'm doing. I feel like instead of living my life I'm just in the midst of trying to figure out HOW to live my life, and that while I'm in the process of doing that I'm missing all sorts of things I'm supposed to be doing. Can't we just pause or call a time-out for the next 6 months or so, at which point I hope to be ready to start living my life again? It's a distressing thing to feel like things are slipping away and past you and that you have nothing to hold onto. So, forgive me if I miss things, if all the things that should get done don't get done, and more importantly I'll work on forgiving myself for being so discombobulated. I'm told it's quite normal and that it won't last, but that doesn't mean I enjoy it. And hopefully the loss of all the time I feel like I'm missing won't mess me or my kids up too much.
On a positive note, my feelings of being overwhelmed spurred me to have my kids sit down and write out their Christmas lists and I then spent some time online and ordered some of their Christmas presents. It turns out I'm now probably half done with my Christmas shopping, and I didn't even have to leave my house to do it! ;)
*A note about winter: I'm not a big winter fan to begin with, but I'm finding the prospect particularly upsetting right now. Winter is dark and cold and inversion filled. It saps me of motivation, I find it hard to workout. My soul is in need of light and warmth and sun and flowers.
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