Final

I just learned yesterday that my divorce became final on May 1st. Judge Dale was the judge who signed the papers. I wonder who this Judge Dale is, this person who with a signature or stamp (however it's done,) ended what, over 14 years ago, was started as something that was going to last forever. I do not think that would be a fun job.

You may ask, how do I feel? Am I depressed, glad, relieved, sad, happy to have closure? Actually I don't feel a whole lot about it at this moment. Maybe it just hasn't sunk in yet. I'm sure there will be some crying and sorrow over this fact, but I don't think it's going to happen tonight. It is what it is.

Several days ago I started to freak out over the thought of living the next however many years as a "divorced" woman. I don't know how to do that. I just barely got through figuring out how to get through a divorce, now I actually have to be divorced. But I stopped myself with the realization that I'll figure it out. I've figured it out so far, haven't I? I'm a smart girl, I'll figure it out. One day at a time I'll figure it out. There are only a couple of ideas I'm willing to take a long-range view of right now: 1. I know I will be ok. 2. I know everything will work out. Any other long-range thoughts are cause for becoming overwhelmed, I'm trying to just take it one day at a time, knowing that I will be ok and that everything will work out.

"If God said,
'[Julie], pay homage to everything
that has helped you
enter my arms,'
there would not be one experience of my life,
not one thought, not one feeling,
no any act, I 
would not 
bow
to."
-Rumi