When I was 8 years old I was in a musical that my church stake did. The chorus of one of the songs in the play went, "I'm the world's number one, most accomplished worrier." I am fabulous about stressing and worrying about every little thing. And in addition to that great talent, I have the added ability to easily take all those little things and glob them all together into one great big stress and worry that covers every aspect of my life. It's like the stone cut without hands in the seminary video that starts out small but than becomes bigger and bigger as it is rolling along until it fills the whole earth.
As I'm faced with the current reality of being here all by myself with 5 children between the ages of 8 and 2 months for an indefinite amount of time, and add to that the issue of needing to sell our home looming over my every thought, and I can easily feel myself leaning towards the basket case department. I know I'm greatly blessed in my life and lots of people supposedly do this separation thing and I'm not currently faced with horrible things like starvation or death or illness, etc., I am nevertheless struggling with all I've been going through and will go through in the weeks ahead. (I proclaim myself right now to be a baby and a whiner to boot.) My circumstances literally loom huge in front me as I think of all the things I have to do and face all by myself with no defined end in site. When I look at the big picture of it I am overwhelmed.
So now I am making an effort to take things one day at a time. I can get through this day without Jonathan just fine. It's when I think of all the days piled on top of each other that I want to run away and hide. So daily I shall struggle against myself to just take things one day at a time, resist the urge to become overwhelmed with the perceived enormity of it all and try to let go of the house selling issue because there is nothing more I can do about it any way except continue to pray.
*On an ironic note, the play I was in when 8 was about a family who was going to have to split up and live apart because the father couldn't find a job. However, at the very last moment the phone rang, a job offer was received, the family got to stay together and they lived happily ever after. I sure could have used an ending like that right now!
3 comments:
Definitely take it one day at a time. And don't go crazy. When I was about 8 my dad got a new job and moved across the country for six months. My mom had five kids under 10 and now that I'm older I really wonder how she survived. I remember eating a lot of pancakes. I hope your house sells quickly.
I LOVE YOU!!!
I really feel for you. I can only imagine how hard it must feel at the end of the day. We are just up the road so please call or email if you ever need anything. If you need a break from the kids we should have a play date at my house. Bring them by and go have some time to yourself. We love you guys.
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