Update

On Tuesday I took Benjamin to the doctor to get circumcised. He is back up to his birth weight at 8lbs. 6oz. and is doing well. Now that my milk has come in he is sometimes a little fussy and spitty. I don't know if it's something specific (I hope not) or just getting used to it in general. We've had a couple of bad nights, though last night wasn't too bad, thankfully. He likes to sleep very soundly all day long, sometimes I can't even wake him up to eat. I have had a wonderful lady from church come to my house the last 3 mornings for a few hours and she has cleaned and washed everything and watched the kids and that has been such a big help. Definitely helped out my sanity. I haven't even hardly cried that last couple of days, so maybe the hormones are getting better.

I've decided that the last few days I kind of feel like I'm in limbo. The minute the baby is born your life changes and I am still trying to figure out how to deal with those changes. Even my relationships and interactions with the other kids changes, especially with Ryan. Ryan has gone from my baby who gets most of my attention, to suddenly seeming twice as big, all grown up, heavy to lift, talking up a storm, and no longer the center of attention. So sad he is no longer my baby! In fact, I sometimes find myself calling Ryan Joshua and Benjamin Ryan. And the first couple of weeks I'm having to deal with recovery and spend a lot of time resting and not doing much around the house so even my role of homemaker is different. And the hormone/crying thing always just makes me wacky. It's the same with every new baby and I know it will just take time to figure things out and make adjustments, but I'm not good at dealing with the unknown, or feeling like things are kind of out of control. It's a challenge to be sure, but as I stated before it is worth it.

Well, I must go feed my baby now to relieve my discomfort!!