Misery Is Worth It

Let's just say my labor was about as far from my "birth plan" as possible. It matched only in the fact that he did end up being born on Friday and it was not a c-section. The whole experience was pretty miserable to say the least. The misery started with having to wait around all day Thursday wondering if we'd even get in to the hospital. When you are all set and ready to go and are planning on it happening, patience is not an easy thing. Finally getting in that evening, I was not thrilled about having the baby in the middle of the night, but at least we were on our way and it would soon be over, or so I thought. I basically got no sleep all Thursday night, I just could not get comfortable at all and I was anxious for things to happen. The worst part of the whole process was how frustrating it was to have such slow/no progress. When the nurse or doctor would come in and check me and nothing had progressed much, the thought of continuing indefinitely as I was was more than I could bare. For some reason I would just not thin out and his head would not come down. I made several statements in the midst of my pain and frustration such as, "I can't have any more kids, I can't do this again," and "I've changed my mind, I'll stay pregnant forever," and "I'm never being induced again." Of course, if I never get induced again I might be pregnant forever, plus I was induced with Ryan and that took only 10 hours, which seemed very long at the time. We just kept thinking that at some point I would reach that spot where all the sudden things start moving and it goes quickly. We thought that point would be when he broke my water. We thought that point would be when I had reached a 5-6. But it wasn't until about 3:30 that I had finally completely thinned out, was a good 6 and his head was moving down. And then it did go quick as he was born about 1 1/2 hours later. Unfortunately that last hour was extremely painful and again I didn't think I'd make it through. The only redeeming factor about the whole thing was that I only had to push a few times and I didn't tear or get cut so I have no stitches! But I can tell you that the minute they placed him on my chest that the whole terrible thing was worth it all.

Benjamin and I are doing well. He is very cute, of course. He has just a little bit of brown hair and I think this is the first child that may have the possibility of blue eyes. Of course they could certainly end up brown. You can hardly see his eyelashes or eybrows and his little nose is covered in white heads. He definitely looks like a Kland baby, though who he looks the most like is debatable. He is a really good nurser, I've had no problems with that. Sleeping at night has not been great (except for the night in the hospital.) Saturday night he was pretty fussy from about 7pm till 3am, but then slept till 7, and last night he insisted on eating every 3 hours with no longer breaks. At least I haven't had a bad problem with being engorged yet because of that. Thanks to no stitches I haven't had much pain, except the next couple of days will be uncomfortable with my milk coming in and all. I'm tired and a little weak, yet I feel the need to be doing things around the house and helping out. It's a hard balance. I can't wait till my mom comes on Friday! The worst thing for me is the baby blues. I feel on the verge of crying all day long. I hate it! And the worst thing is there is nothing I can do about it, can't take any ibuprofen to make it feel better. I just have to wait for the hormones to go back to normal.

Having 5 little kids is crazy. Within the first couple of hours being home I thought, what have I done?? I know it will just take time for everyone to adjust and get into a routine. I know it will be hard for a while, but it always gets better.

On a personal note, I have to say how much I love my husband. He was a great help and support and I couldn't have done it without him. He even had flowers waiting for me when I got home. I think the little video he did is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. He is the best and a great dad! I'm so glad to be with him forever. I'm truly blessed.