This past day or two I find myself dealing with the feeling that my life seems quite surreal. I'm finding it hard to grasp that this is real and permanent. It makes no sense that anyone would walk away from their marriage without just cause. I find it hard to understand that all we've shared and had means nothing. I can't quite completely believe that I have to spend the rest of my life without him, splitting kids' time, etc., etc. etc... I can't really, actually have to go through all of this, for reals, right? This is certainly not the way my life is supposed to happen. I find my mind wandering to totally unrealistic fantasies of him coming to his senses, realizing his huge mistake, and trying to fix it and make it right, which I know won't happen.
It's also surreal that there isn't a single thing I can do to change the situation. I get no opportunity or chance to make up for things I did wrong or to implement the many changes I'm trying to make. A surrealism landscape is not a particularly enjoyable place to exist.
2 comments:
I know that no one wants to hear 'this is a phase', but I went through this phase too. I still do at times. I think it's part of the grief process at times and it can be hard for your mind to really assimilate what has happened. It just takes time. *Hugs*
I was thinking about you last night as I was contemplating a blog post of my own. I was thinking about all the hard realities I have to accept about my situation and how terrible and unfair they are and how other people just don't get it. And I wondered how often you feel that way too, except I think your hard things are different from mine. it made me want to compare the unfair if only to acknowledge it all.
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