Stayin' Alive!

"Think of something that you feared would happen that actually happened. Are you still okay? Can you still experience happiness? Do you still have your faculties and the power to choose who you want to be?"

I have a habit of fearing the worst, letting my mind and imagination run away with me, jumping to worst case scenario. I'm learning that's not a great use of energy. First of all, things are not very often worst case scenario or as bad as they seem. But more importantly, what I've learned over the last several months is that even if worst case scenario happens you will survive.

Divorce was worst case scenario for me. It happened. I'm still okay. I can still experience happiness. I still have my faculties and the power to chose who I want to be. So all that fear and worry and anxiety ends up being an unnecessary waste. No matter what happens we can get through it, survive and be okay, great eventually even. It's still hard not fear though, truth be told now I just mostly fear pain. I know I'll eventually be okay, but it sure hurts getting there. As my friend recently said, "You know what they say, what doesn't kill you hurts really, really bad."

We signed divorce papers today. But the state of Utah has a 90 day waiting period. I'm okay. I'm good. I want to thank anyone who has ever thrown up a prayer to God for me. I have felt them very tangibly the last couple of days and it means an awful lot.