Grumpy

I've been in a pretty grumpy mood since Saturday afternoon. It started, I believe, due to a combination of hormones and being very disappointed about not even making call backs for the play I auditioned for. Like all things in life, to guarantee it's strength and longevity, the gloom had to be fed. That is easy enough. It's an easy jump from that audition to start telling myself that I'm never going to get into a play here. Which leads to I'm not really that talented at singing anyway and I'm not going to be particularly successful at that. I failed and I am a failure. Not just at my audition, but in fact all things in my life right now are a failure. I'm a failure as a mother (this is reinforced with a big ordeal with David Monday/Tuesday), I discover today that I'm over drawn on my checking account, etc., etc., etc..... And I can even feed it with probably future events, watch this! Emily has been home sick from school yesterday and today (cough, headache thing.) We are doing a quick two day trip up to Boise, ID this weekend for Jonathan's grandmother's funeral and I'm just sure that we're going to have sick kids to deal with. Shoot, we'll probably have kids throwing up in the car!

I think you get the picture. Am I crazy or do other people do something similar to themselves??

Also, in my bad mood, I've come to the conclusion that hope is more of pain than a helpful thing. If we never hoped we would never be disappointed. Instead we could just be pleasantly surprised if something good happens. And yet, though hope is a cruel thing, I can't seem to eradicate myself of it.